Re: Re: David’s Guidance

[denise]

David and Joanie,

Please keep writing. I like to read your posts (even on my smart phone, even when I cannot reply because my password needs a reset.) Sometimes it seems like you are playing games with us, but I enjoy the metaphor. The last post sounds very similar to the Law of Attraction. I would like to create a picture of my life that I love. As you know I am not there yet.

One of the things I realized this weekend is that I am not creating my picture yet. First I need to go to work, or cook dinner, or feed the dogs, etc. So many “have to’s” then I am stressed out trying to do too many things that I dont want to and I reward myself using food or wine or some stupid video games or something just to feel a little stress relief. I am a little bit afraid to start painting that picture because I am not sure what I want it to look like. Should I start with my favorite color purple? But most of the sky is blue, and the grass is green. So I draw those first and never have time to draw my sweet beautiful lilacs… And also, what happens if I draw the picture and then it turns out I don’t like it after all?

The other thing that I realized is that I am always doing things I HAVE to do, sometimes things I WANT to do, but most often I find myself doing things that OTHER people want me to do. I keep finding myself doing things I don’t really want to do in order to please (or not disappoint) others. You keep telling me we all choose for ourselves. But I have a family to take care of, and children who are not old enough to do all their choosing. (How do I teach them how to choose the right things?) Its a tough balance. I would like to have more time to do what I want to do. How can I free up more time for ME? And what wonderful things will I do when I have the time???

Funny it’s not just my family. I also feel obligated to please other people, some I dont really care about, doing things I don’t want, things that don’t make me happy, and I dont know how to stop. Is that ego? Low self confidence? Training? Why can’t I just say no? Go away, leave me alone? Because positive attention makes me feel like I am OK. So I am like a trained seal, I do what they want and they throw me a fish and I really dont ever have a chance to draw my picture!

Now you say the time is coming when we need to choose. So should I even bother? Really if time’s almost up, is it too late to pick up the canvas???

OK. Sounding pretty frustrated arent I? Sorry. I have many good things in my life too, really. I feel so much happier when I am grateful for all my blessings. So now we focus on the good things.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for Joanie. Thank you for the words you send that help me to see the light, and thank you for your help and guidance and love. (And for nice soft feather pillows when I am feeling tired.) Good night.

Denise