Confessions .. things I am struggling with

[Ascend2luv]

My biggest problem – I am still struggling with my ego, i sometimes find myself judging others by my understanding saying “if I were them I would ….” As time goes on I am starting to realize this as it happens and slowly but surely I am starting to lose the snap judgment and putting others in boxes. Its pretty difficult to overcome a lifetime of conditioning. After all we have all be taught to categorize things and others by putting labels on them and putting them in the relevant boxes. Enlightenment and acceptance of others differences as part of what makes them unique is coming slowly but surely.

An even bigger battle for me is that I have to stop judging myself and measuring my actions and pulling myself apart. I think I can safely say that we are our own worst enemies at times. Its really difficult to love and accept yourself without comparing yourself to others. To stop looking at past events and saying “if only I had done things differently ….” Blaming self and past events (like a difficult childhood and things that others did to me). I am making great progress on this but occassionally I find myself slipping into a negative mindset.

Love and acceptance of self is so important – yet our society has always told us its vanity and selfish – yet unless we learn to accept and love self how can we hope to love and accept others.

One of the things I got out of was the martyr syndrome which many mothers tend to employ. I realized that in order to love and care for my children I had to love and care for myself. If I am happy vibrant and loving life so will they. A love which consists of “look what I have given up for you” is not love and it is not unconditional love – its the opposite and negative and implies that a debt owed to the sacrificer by the beneficiary. This is something that I know happens with parents towards their children -“look at what i have given you, i never had the chances and opportunities you have that I have worked hard to provide”. I know parents who blame their children for their unhappiness and inability to be happy. I have to say I once did this too but luckily I am free of that mindset.

This way of being was not without its problems as others (including my brothers) tended to judge me by saying I wasn’t acting as a mother “should” – it was a challenge but I remained true to myself – now I had to learn to ignore what other people think about me thats their business (I had to ignore and overcome the hurt their words caused) I just carry on being happy loving and on a vibrational level which benefits myself, my family and those around me.

[opalescent]

Oh gosh, Caz, I so hear what you’re saying. I feel like I fail a million times a day as a mother, wife, and whatnot… It’s tough work, ain’t it? I’ve been having a lot of struggle myself these past few days 😥

So I asked “the gang” about it, and I share here in the hope that this will bring you some peace, and whoever else might be reading (hello!). Offered with love 🙂

Me: So sad… please respond to my heart. Mostly I feel like no one cares.

Answer: Inner drama was finally allowed to exit stage left. However, you did let some of the fallout affect those around you. Does that mean you are bad? No. Did you damage anyone? No. Did you damage your relationship with your son? No.

Now, you realize what is healing. You can heal deeply now if you allow it. Know there is a sticky bit of self-loathing still attached to your self-healing. To take away its presence you need only reiterate what you told your son — you love it. That is all.

Me: I feel I’m tolerated but not loved… a belief?

Answer: A limiting ego trick. It is true when you were a child that you were misunderstood and your truth ignored, but that was what you chose to experience so you would be a respected speaker when your healing was complete. By experiencing that, you have insight into part of the human psyche–that part of the consciousness of the human organism that believes it is cut off from divine love and is instead under the power of those who don’t care for its welfare. This part of the human experience stems from the fact that your planet’s chief caretakers have raped and pillaged and subverted the creative potential of the people. What happens when that part of the collective psyche confronts its own divinity when we show up? If it lay buried, it could be messy. However, you long-long ago volunteered, you who understand some of the deeper secrets of love, to act as a conduit through which such long-buried aspects of the collective could rise. That is what was begun today. More will rise, but others will shepherd the process. Your part of that is in triggering the transformation.

[echo]

@Ascend2luv wrote:

An even bigger battle for me is that I have to stop judging myself and measuring my actions and pulling myself apart. I think I can safely say that we are our own worst enemies at times. Its really difficult to love and accept yourself without comparing yourself to others. To stop looking at past events and saying “if only I had done things differently ….” Blaming self and past events (like a difficult childhood and things that others did to me). I am making great progress on this but occassionally I find myself slipping into a negative mindset.

I’ve been struggling with this myself for a long time, ever since I was little. As people we tend to look at our selves in at least three perspectives.. How do I look through the eyes of a stranger? How do the people I care about see me? How do I see myself? (but trust me, there are an infinite amount of perspectives) For people who care enough, they will constantly reflect on these perspectives so that they may attempt to shape their person and in doing so the outlook of their day to day life. Think of yourself as a wax candle. You can shape the wax anyway you see fit, it can even have an appealing smell. Once you burn the wick the candle will start to loose its shape. But the whole purpose of the candle is to provide you with light. Another words sometimes you’ll need to burn the wick to see through the dark. Sometimes reflecting or reshaping is the appropriate thing to do…

As for a negative mindset, remember, there are always two sides of the coin… it’s only a mindset, your point of view. You can run the full circle a million times over but you’ll only end up where you started. It’s true, we can be our own worst enemies, because sometimes we may mold ourselves in a way that may not be acceptable. In the end you’ll be pulling yourself apart again, trying to shape yourself in a way that suits your new perspective. But that’s alright, that’s part of human nature. It’s at this point that you need to reshape your candle that will light your way through you’re troubled times. All you have to do is search yourself and find the right perspective.

I hope my metaphor was helpful and easy to understand.

~echo

[Zingdad]

Something I have found quite useful when I am struggling with stuff is to ask myself:
“If I was the wisest most loving person in the world, what would I advise Zingdad to do?”
And then I find somewhere within myself is always a gentler way forward. A way that does not need me to judge myself. A way that does not need self-recrimination. And this gentle, kind and loving way is not only the better thing for me… but it also brings me to gaining insight or help for those around me. Its really so that love is the best answer to every question.

We need to be in love with ourselves in every moment that we live. And being in love is not something that “happens to you”. It is a choice that you take and a thing that you do. You start by deciding it will be so:
“I intend to learn to love myself magnificently”
And then we behave in a manner that is congruent with that intention. It is inappropriate to think unkind thoughts about the beloved. When such a thought arrives:
“Oh, I’m so god-damn stupid! How could I have said such a cringe-worthy thing!”
Then we stop and say:
“Ah, see I give myself and opportunity to practice loving. I am wise and beautiful. I take note of that which I said and will in future say things that are wise and beautiful. I love myself and forgive myself”… or something similar. If we are harsh on ourselves then we must apologise to self for that harshness and determine that we will be more loving in future. And make a loving statement about ourselves to “over-write” the painful one.
And we must cease to make our bodies our battle grounds. We must cease to be hyper-critical of these wonderful instruments of love. If you bathroom scale is an instrument of critical judgement then throw it out. If you simply love and trust your body it will find its most healthy balance. I know the body thing is a very difficult challenge for a great many (if not all) of us. If you are one such then maybe consider the goal of loving your body magnificently to be a challenge like climbing Everest. Yes it is a monumental goal. But attaining that goal will make you feel like you are on top of the world. And others have done it. It can be done. You can do it too! And as with loving self… it begins with intent. It continues with re-languaging. It find its expression in you learning to absolutely trust and respect your body. And, in time, you will learn that your body has always just loved and served you perfectly. Even when you thought you were battling with it.

Ahh. I see I have rambled a little as I sometimes do. Caz: the above is not directed at you. It is simply what came from my mind on the subject of “struggling with self love”. These are just some thoughts. I share them in love.

[Bigfeet E]

Hi dear strugglers,

I’d like to adress this a bit (if realizing is still nessesary):

The battle for power

When people compete with each other for energy, you create a battle for power.
By observing the interactions between ourselve and others,we will come aware of this competition and we will begin to understand the nature of
the conflict.Then we also realise that in that manner the conquered energy doesn’t last that long, and that the true energy we ought to seek, comes
from the universal source ; we don’t need to collect it from others.
If we becoming more aware of our urge to overrule, undermine, giving critisism and trying to please others, we’re beginning to let loose of that habbit.
Otherwise we will loose the attention of our SELF/SPIRIT who collects her energy out of the universel.So one must not come in to a dependepal position
towards other peoples energy,aswell as for the seemingly positive as the negative. To be centered for all time is the message. This way you are always
standing in strength, ready to give & recieve unconditionally. Let loose the need for control, not trying to act as the bully, the questioner, the ‘poor me’-
role and the neglecter. Otherwise we fall back in the ego-centered or superego-centered roll of energy-thief.
ATTENTION is therefor very important. When Spirit-centered you have automaticly the perfect shield against any unapropiate tendency of breach.

The easiest way to find the way to Spirit is to calm the mind into thoughtlessness contchesness (mm, this last word doesn’t look right 😕 >>awareness )
Stop the carroussel of yr thoughts, stillness, take deep slow & non-forced breaths, release the tensions in your body & send them out.
Now the energy can move more un-interrupted in its cycle. Steer it with your attention & feel what is right.

I could go on in a more detailed process of energyflow, but that is for …maybe a topic i will make later.
I think in general everybody knows there own process allready , so…

Hope this was of some help to any struggler.

Bigfeet E 😉

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