Re: Re: David’s Guidance

[julie]

Dear David and Divine Ones,
It is hard. I admit it. The whole thing is so very hard sometimes that there are times I do want to hide. I want to hide from the confusion of the outside and inside worlds, the constant balancing act of three nutritional, homemade meals a day and a clean enough house so my kids do slip and fall and break their necks with my devotion to change and growth. I want to hide from the ugliness of myself and the hurt I cause, the blazing anger that resides in me and lashes out like a whip, causing pain to others while someone whispers in my ear, “stop now, don’t do that”, and yet I do. I will not lie, I know what I should do, I remember the things you have told me, yet still I find it hard to always move in the right direction. But, I do not want the fluff, the scented stuff or the pretty birds. Well, the pretty birds are nice… The work is hard but I am happy and grateful that I am here and you are all with me. Then there are times it all comes so naturally, I can see myself moving along on this beautiful path. It is clear as the summer sky. How do I stay awake? How do I connect the lessons I am learning with the emotions and situations that arise on a daily basis so I continue moving towards enlightenment? How do I stop my mind from spinning out of control especially when I am trying to meditate (and why does it not shut up??)? Why can I find my way so easily on one day and the next I find myself running back and forth from tree to tree just trying not to get pummeled by the stinging hail that pours down from a crazy dark sky? I know why I am here (I think, anyway)…to love and to teach. I think both may have to do with children (I have the feeling of lots and lots of children), though I do not know exactly what to teach or who the children are or where they are coming from. Like the center of a starburst, there are so many possible paths, so many things I would like to do to help, but I am not sure which way to go…how can I gain more clarity on this? I know, I know, and I am truly sorry, it is the world according to me…as much as I would like to write something else, this is what it has come down to. And now, to make it even worse, I have even more questions about the world according to me but from the way I was a month ago…..
First thank you so for your words and guidance. I think I understand most of what you have said and have been working on reshaping my mind and thoughts, but there were two things I was really not clear on…
You said: “When you think, “Well…” or “But..,” you stop — stop flow. You stop the energy creating form. If you believe you’re able to work and mom-job, do this. If not, be mom. The little ones love you so much it hurts seeing this.”
It hurts so much when you see what? Am I hurting my children because part of me thinks of moving towards working in other areas? I was also surprised that you used the word hurt. Do you hurt? Do things that we do hurt you? Why do you hurt?

And: “The girl who writes (she’s 17, if she didn’t say this to you) is a life-Life woman.”
Who is the girl who writes?
Thank you.
And thank you Joanie, for all of your work. xoxox
With much love and gratitude to you, David, and the Divine Ones,
Julie