Ok, that was a lowsy attempt of dreamexplaination minerwise, luckely there’s David to bring us a more informed view. (tumtidumtidum 😆 )
Still, it was nice trying to play Sherlock , even when i thaught to had swong a ball , gazing to where it went, while it was still lying in front of me.
Remind me to hold my tong in the future, John. 
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Then … next attempt to put my thoughts in chronological order …
We see “hermit” on the page. If you reclusively hide, then how might you share time with others? Impossible to do, we believe. Get out? Do you? If so, are there places that are ripe for socializing?
It’s not that i don’t know all this, the world around me doesn’t feel to answer my needs, and it is that i’ve come to be acustommed to venture in to my own imagination trying to determine what it is that i want, without being held back by my own limitations on a physical-emotional-mentally-all intertwined & interacting mix. I’m totally out of touch with the customs of my surroundings as they usually do not fit my principals & likings. I feel it’s not the worth to be adjusting me as so that i have to be someone that i’m not. It’s my experience that i’m being judged & deemed not fit in eyes of many. So i keep secluding myself to still have the freedom to be me, and for that i’m being judged aswell.
People keep holding the notion to not look behind the surface of what they project. I know this, cuz i’ve done this myself aswell & it’s easy to recognise.
It seems many are looking for some kind of archetypes & cling to this to reflect & project trying to determine their reality. So i hardly get out anymore, i don’t feel like spending my time in area’s that thrive on alcohol & emotions that don’t sit in tune with me. I rather wander inside then on the outside where failure lies around every corner. Eventually i realise it has it’s limitations aswell, and get nothing done.
Go see if the woman is in. If you find a reclusive one, “Yay!” But, if they hide outside of your hermitage, you are to go astray (leave the domain and walk to where they are hiding.) Is this comfortable to do? Why, if it is uncomfortable? Please help us see why you “hermit” yourself.
Comfortable i see when it comes together in a spontaneous way of circumstances, not that i have go and search for it, but rather that 2 individuals find eachother and let the magic happen as it could unfold.
Uncomfortable is what always lies before me when it comes to facing intimicy’s that go’s beyond the friendly base. It’s just terryfying, unmanegable. Then panic kicks in and i flee the scene or am just numbed out and can’t see how to act or do, resulting in to a deadzone. Or when i try to touch the table, the table is allready occupied.
When i last talked about being spineless, i wasn’t beating myself up, i was being truthfull.
I have this condition on my spine that robs me of my strength. Nervoussystem is twisted easely if i don’t keep attention to it. Years of trying to determine the source & trying to solve it, better it, balance it lead me to looking at all levels that are in my reach. Made some successions to better it, but i don’t see a way to solve it completely. So that’s another part in consideration of seclution that holds a big factor.
Then i could express the attraction factor. Sure, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, aswell inside as outside.
But i don’t see myself falling in love to someone with a total sweet personality yet unatractive exterior or the other way around. Not that i wouldn’t love them as a person respectfully ofcourse !
I guess over the years of learningexperiences it has become much harder for me to actually fall in love , either allowing myself to or allowing the other to, as i don’t see myself as much potential material in that manner.
Allthough i haven’t even painted the whole picture in what all strains of difficulties it leads in detail, it leaves me looking rather stuck potential futurewise, unrevealed pastwise, balance battling/resting/holding/reflecting/acting presentwise.
Belief can come a long way, yet only if one is grounded enough to have a compare counter balance aspect.
Do you like the job you have? Is it OK for you? Do you enjoy people? We believe you allow others to walk by when you have not addressed them.
😆 In essense , there’s not much to like, as when employers goal is only for themselves.
Basicly its structure is set up to enrich the top, the piramid structure of greed, and so it seems to be the same all over the world right now.
My day is pretty much planned and calculated for me to having devote my energy in to their agenda, with little or no time to socialize or act on spontaneous encounters.
Yeah, i have to sell my energy for their money, if i don’t i have no meanings to have a roof over my head, heating for warmth, food for my belly, etc.
People tell me i should be glad, as there are many others who are much worse off, and seem content with their slaverylike existance & glue themselves on their comfortzones without regard to nature oftenly.
And talking bout the ruining of nature i need to deal with the constant poisoning of the air instigated by the hidden dark rulers who plan to whipe out large populations.
People as myself working outdoors have bigger exposure to these toxic substances that destroys our immunesystem, attacks our energysystem, andsofort…
All this has devastating effect on keeping balance on every level, so that adds to my ‘difficulties’ greatly.
They will probably be pleased if they should read this, but then i’ll give them the message that i’ll combat this in every way i can.
I keep the faith tides are turning in this big clash of dark & light … but i degress.
So all things considered i think i rather handle it the best way i think i can, and it is as you said, that it is me-myself & i who has to lead the life in full response-ability.
No doubt i still have much more to learn. And in many ways i feel i’ve not mastered anything yet & thus will not earn ascention as of soon yet.
Krishna says,
You, dear Erik, are walking, waiting while I walk, wait for you to come happy. You are here to find happy. Can you see how you are happy when we meet? So, we will. I see us meeting and joining to talk about events and instances when you and I were joined for months as friends. Do you believe this? It is true. So, take happy. Put all near you, around you that feels happy and live, breathe the Light of it. This happy is what makes us happy together. Come see us as happy and we will be, dear Erik, the one who is now on site called Book of LIght. Come. Happy. Thank you.
To be honest, i’m stunned/baffled to see this message, and somewhat ashamed as i can not exactly recall we have met as discribed or even recognised as such.
I’m so honored that you are willing to speak with me, yet i feel uneasy as i still hold habbits that are unhealthy and appear as such in the spot before you.
David says i can call upon you for words, yet i feel uncomfortable/unable to do so most of my time. Sometimes i think i’ve learned much yet accomplished nothing.
I do try to find happiness in wich form may be, yet fragile it seems to elude me on moments of weakness. I’m sure you’ve heard this more than millions of times…
I’m a bit lost for words right now , so i’ll draw my post to a close.
Rests me to summon my gratitude to all teachers that have come to pass my path, and they are to many to mention .
There’s so much more i’d like to study, but at times i loose heart or just want to … seclude because i lost intention,focus,courage or just to hide from an unbearable world.
So i can put on the hermits hood & get back on (a) track.
Fraternally ,
Bigfeet (tracking footprints)
