Re: Re: David’s Guidance

[julie]

This is Dorlie 😉

Hello to Joanie and all friends, energy, and light connected!

I felt like I had my own pep rally at the end of your last response. It made me very happy and I laughed. 🙂
(I am a big smiler but not a big laugh-er)

I am proud of myself and relieved I saw my father last night and had a nice time. I did not focus in on the things that would have a few weeks ago lead me to feeling very guilty and sad. He is Okay! Even though I have hardly seen him in several weeks, he did not disintegrate, he is okay! I am so glad to be able to see that. “First Dorlie, then others”
in other good news I have lowered my sleep meds by half and am getting to sleep. I sleep much more lightly, but still I am sleeping and dreaming which is very important to me 🙂

I went to an Anxiety group meet up a few days ago. I am not sure it is a great fit for me (group leader thinking she knows more than she actually does, teensy pushy) but at the meeting I was connected to a man there, Gilbert. We stayed afterwards and talked for an hour. I felt so much concern for him and a need to help him. I recognize wanting to help “fix” him, his sadness. He is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, is depressed and so lonely. He had alternative beliefs to the group leader during our group session and I found out today he has been “booted out”. I feel so upset by this. I thought his different point of view, although a bit radical maybe so some, would be an asset in group. I want to be careful and not jump into his life knowing he is very lonely and also felt a “connection” with me. He does have an ex girlfriend he is living with, friends and career as a physical therapist.
Will he be okay?

I would like to ask for some guidance please to help me feel less scared and lost in this area…
I left my job about a month ago and my husband can not financially support us for long so I need to start looking for a job.
I am scared to work again. I don’t feel ready to go back into my profession, counselor/therapist, I am scared I will be miserable and have a breakdown. I am not even sure I will ever go back into the profession and that freaks me out! I don’t know what else to do with my life career wise and have wanted to be a “therapist” and help people for so long. It was a natural choice due to loving being there for people and people always coming to me to have someone to lean on, talk to and listen.
Now I feel distance from most people, afraid to feel afraid again. I absolutely LOVE animals and even feel estranged from dogs. (probably in connection to the scary family/home I had visited for work with very aggressive Great Danes in cages)
I know I have the option of just getting any type of job in a store or wherever but feel so overwhelmed just thinking about going online to look for openings even for a cafe. I have been praying to win the lottery so that I wont have to make any choices that will make me miserable or afraid : /
I am scared of my depression and anxiety worsening due to work.
I think about this everyday and I try to tell myself “it will be okay, I will be okay”. I am a hard worker and even if I won the lottery I know I would want to give my time working somewhere to help in some way.
The commitment is scary.
I would like to feel confidant that I can work, even as a dog walker, and that I will be emotionally okay; That work will not take over my life or ruin my life;
That I will one day find a job that “fits” and that I can feel worthwhile and be helpful, even if I make little money.

Thank you ALL for listening and consideration,
Love to you,
Dorlie