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I really was the fool. My deepest apologies.

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I’m doing better now. It’s the chaos of the unknown that sets me on edge. Not like I’ve been vigilant in my practice of good ethics. It’s also the exploitation of my faults that leaves me feeling hopeless. Would it be better that I relieve myself of everything and convert to a monk? Honestly, is this some test of faith, like college placement testing? Have I really upset something to the extent of receiving such a consequence? Is it some entity that is neither malevolent/benevolent but just likes to watch me squirm? Or is this normal?

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Thank you for the sincere response. With out sounding like a victim I would like to express how the “game” is not worth playing. It’s tough to discover things on your own, not to mention those that intentionally lead you astray. Then there is the temptation to get angry and lash out or to act out of impulse… It bothers me greatly to think that influence and ability can be granted to those intent on wasting or flaunting it; but the constant reminders! (≧ロ≦)

Sometimes I feel like I’ve stumbled onto something I wasn’t ready for, like that Pink Floyd song: Brain Damage. “…and if the damn breaks open many years too soon…” Idk, It’s easier to post my problems (and complain about them) here than saying it irl, why I trust complete strangers… must be a defect in my personality or something. When I say I feel lonely I mean I’ve become quite isolated. I feel I’ve “lost touch with reality.” I swear people can hear my thoughts. It’s like I can sort of of sense people react to them, like it’s too sensitive a subject to discuss so no one will disclose anything. I can’t hear anyone’s thoughts, I get ringing in my ears and taunting though, sweet deal. What is it? A hoax, an experiment? All this so that I can be made the fool so everyone else can feel content with themselves? But I feel hell bent, pent up inside. And so I keep making the wrong decisions. Last weekend was a thriller; I got beat up, broke/dislocated my wrist, and a gun was pressed to my head.

I always considered myself a good person, laid back and thoughtful. Maybe too thoughtful, too trusting. I believed the voices not knowing where they came from, what a mistake. Now they wont go away! I have to push them away, they bring doubt and talk about my darker secrets. I even hear it from my own family members. It’s very distracting and discouraging. My mysterious guests. They arrive on the television and in the music I listen to… Surely someone else around me must have noticed. “Just tell Truman to suck it up and turn the logo around so that the camera can see it… I want to go home to my wife.”

…The last thing I want to be is the example on how it’s NOT done. I just have a lingering feeling like the worst has yet to come. “…and if your head explodes with dark forebodings too…” Like I get a front row seat at the unveiling of my greatest flaws and my failure to meet the simplest of expectations.

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Ok. So, please excuse my language, but the shit has hit the fan. I don’t know who I am anymore, but everyone else seems to. I know that sounds very dramatic and emotional… Stupid hologram. I feel so alone.

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This is a personal issue. I dealt with this first hand, being “diagnosed” with A.D.D. and prescribed medication. I disagree with drugging kids.

Here:
Nice anti-pharmaceutical propaganda. Part 1 of a 3 part presentation that I haven’t watched.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7NxJn9Mk4c

[youtube:ozayu5p6]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7NxJn9Mk4c[/youtube:ozayu5p6]

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@Ricky wrote:

Yeah dam straight…. hence the statement “paralyzed with fear” 😯

😯 Like dear in the headlights! 😯

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I just finished watching the knowing myself. Interesting movie, to say the least. Like when Nicolas Cage chases the guy into the dark. He slowly turns around, suddenly opens his mouth… I was like “What!? What was that?” I flt bad for the little girl’s grandmother, with the fingers and the door.. Ouch. Reminds me a little of “The Day the Earth Stood Still” with the whole light ships leaving with animals. As inspiring as it was, the ending did leave me with a sense of hopelessness, not so much because of what happened, but because it made me reflect. And that’s as personal as I choose to get.

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In the Illusion of Separateness
from the One,
the Separate Self believes,
and behaves,
in ways that are not harmonious
in the flow of the One.
Such disharmony causes suffering,
both for the Separate Self,
and others.

I don’t know what’s better to be nobody or somebody. Are actions considered the same on a physical level as they are on a mental level?

A person who desires to remain neutral can be good, evil, or indifferent. But because I make no choice do I become dangerous (to myself or potentially someone else)? Or do I just become stagnant, like water?

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Sweet and sincere. her/his words honor me.

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don’t fall asleep w.the news on?

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Sound when stretched is music.
Movement when stretched is dance.
Mind when stretched is meditation.
Life when stretched is celebration.
~Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Awesome, awesome, awesome!

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giving into fear is like smoking a cigarette knowing its bad for you. I like to be scared, sometimes. That’s why I watch scary movies or listen to stories. The only pointless fearful emotion is when I’m afraid to express myself. When I expect the things I say to be stupid or pointless. What I say will be pointless or stupid, it isn’t dependent on how afraid I am to say it, I guess it’s just time to speak.. This fear is just another emotion in our arsenal, am I right?

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so cool

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While we are all dreaming… I don’t know, I’m all caught up in how I’m going to ascend, but I overlook other people and their real life problems. But still, I’m hoping I get the attention first, buuut that’s just how things go. ❓ ❗ right?

[youtube:52x2qw21]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJdE2z6VqtA[/youtube:52x2qw21]

If I had some or any kind of compassion, I would stop telling people they are fine, we are all going to be one, we are all going home brothers and sisters… mmmm… everything is beautiful. ohmmm….

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ohh… that’s mad funny 😆

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